imagine being 12 years old and building the sweetest f*in treehouse in the world, a world of your own filled with things in which you prize and people which you find worthy...and then one day you find yourself on the outside of the treehouse looking in,
your loved ones, memories, and stories are all still placed strategically inside.
and you actually are not permitted to enter.......
that's how I feel about Chile.
As I cry my crocodile tears I realize that sometimes you get too big to stand up in the playhouse, too grown-up to find dress-up entertaining, and just too smart to know your imaginary friend doesn't exist and Barbie's pink convertible does not run on happiness and thin legs.
After starting my new job's daily routine of 6 am wake up call and making the daily commute with travel mug in hand....I realize that my heart and mind have yet to catch up with my body. Here stands a carcuss...and there floats a soul with unfinished business. I cannot wrap my mind around it all. I only feel my heart beat when I think of Chile...sparks sparatically flicker in my brain when I dream a dream of somehow getting rid of this debt so I can go back some day soon. All day, every conversation, every vision...interpreted in words but not felt with the heart nor digested by the brain. Lacking what makes me passionate.........needing to accept some things and digesting my current reality. I need to coagulate my being.
I realize time heals all wounds...but I think my first step is accepting. I may have to accept a new chapter in life--just like selling my barbies.
Memories can never be erased but one must find new joy....or perhaps, never be happy.
**just needed to type these thoughts out. feeling a lot today. but very confident that God has brought me to this place, not only to learn and grow but to prepare me for the future that awaits. deep breath.**
thanks for listening
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