Happy NEW year!!!

written december 17th 2010 in the air somewhere above mexico:
Left the life I built along the ocean shore. kissed my bearded amor goodbye. shared one last drink with my gringas. and dotted the last "i" of this chapter.
A year of wonder-a year of feasting on the unknown-thriving with spontanuity, growing and learning constantly. I've become more sure of who I am, the less I know of what's to come. I've discovered my value and gifts to share. I am an intelligent and creative person, who thrives off of compassion for mankind and passion to do more than what is assumed possible.
I broke out of the box that I crawled into. learned to trust in me and how the Lord prepares me for every step in my life. I walk by faith awaiting all the joy the day has to offer. I don't walk blind but rather see things through hopeful eyes and not a defeated spirit. realizing how physical contact fuels the love. real conversations and raw honesty have healed my wounds. my heart longs to serve.
I can't know what tomorrow will bring but I choose each day to be thankful and joyful. To be at peace is life's greatest accomplishment.
At times I may not be surrounded by kindness and love but I AM FOREVER embraced by the infinite love of the Father. His embrace saves me from falling apart, cradles me in moments of weakness, and always forgives my errors. Knowing unconditional love I am ignited to share this beauty. In college my RA told me that my ability to light up a room was so organic and real that she admired me. A best friend once confided how she idolized me for my ability to make a friend in a minute and relate to every person I meet some way, some how. A intimate friend flattered me in saying I am like the sun, that everyone wishes to draw nearer for more warmth, and something about me can be trusted. I owe all the glory to the Lord for each part of my personality. His laws and His son's walk on this earth exemplified a fulfilled life in love. I pray each day that the world's cruelty will not change me and that a positive attitude would always reign in my life. I fear unhappiness as I watch those who are stuck, loose years of joy. I fear loneliness and rejection but find all the love and acceptance I need in the Lord. I wish to live a humble life and though, trial awaits me around the corner, I know that God does not withdraw His hand.
God-thank you thank you thank you for all the love you have blessed me with this year--the lovely people you have brought into my life, your beauty and faithfulness revealed in every heartfelt discussion, every "SALUD!" (cheers), each adventure and obstacle conquered. I am so grateful for such an amazing year. I wouldn't change one thing. you have revealed so much to me that I could have never seen if had I stayed in my darkened room on Portland Avenue. You've set me free. Free from the burden to sacrifice my happiness for another's. I want to fight.
A day free of time, a mind without a plan, a heart willing and ready--I am Your canvas, Lord. Use me, equip me in every way. Serving You is my greatest joy. Your mercy never ends and I must fogive as I have been forgiven. bitterness and revenge cause more pain and take more energy. I love your ways. Continue to teach me, Father..both patience and humility. may I be your faithful servant--no matter where I am or whom I'm with.
I arrived to Chile with my own agenda and ready to defend my cause and cut out anyone who disagreed with it. I isolated myself and lied to those I loved and lied to myself, really. But..I learned HONESTY in Chile, as i was stripped of all of my pride; I was nothing--my education, my citizenship, my past, my status, it all meant nothing. And it was there in that place that I could see ME without cultural influences, without my uprbringing, and free of my safe social circle influencing my every decision. i discovered my OWN strength and WILL to enjoy life.
AND I AM ENJOYING LIFE.
Every opportunity to share with people I shared. Every sunny day I trotted along the ocean shore. Every student that walked through my door, I made the effort to build a relationship with. Every open door I walked through and every new experience I took advantage of.
"I realize that no person is just one thing and no realization that you have in life is permanent..You are always having to adjust to new changes...knowing that life is scattered but has some strange intricate pattern, somehow comforts me"

January 2, 2011

--some recent events have made me a better person. have allowed me to be happy. and have given life back to me. I can't quite pinpoint the exact moment when everything suddenly became better but I thank you.
----Happy NEW year-----Kendall Clare