learning always

Everyday is a new day.
Everyday I feel a new emotion. Everyday I learn something new about myself. Everyday I learn something new about mankind. And Everyday I worry less and enjoy more.

Loneliness has allowed me to be alone with myself and see the me that has been created from all of my experiences. and boy, have i experienced life.

4 years. 2 years. 3 months.
My most serious relationships..the last one? Oh yeah, that one was my engagement!

A dark point after graduation (exactly 2 years ago, today). When my dreams of changing the world, landed at concourse A as a barista at caribou coffee and my idea of succeeding vanished among the zeros after 60,000 dollars in student loans. When my knight in shining armor became an underpaid cook at a chain restaurant. The demons within me..both insecure and craving purpose and attention...swelled greater than what I could oppress. I blinked and my dreams were extinguished, my being was manipulated into a box, my morals were compromised and my passion forgotten.

but my pilot light remained lit..and somewhere among the darkness it flickered enough to catch my attention. a door was open..and i walked through it.

each day here my only company is the lil pilot light within. I have lived thousands of miles away from all that I know for over a year now so that I could experience a new world, that would allow me to define my own world. The obstacles here test my strength and perseverance. This culture questions all that I have learned as "normal" and "right." I am learning that somethings cant be defined, confined, and in some cases refined.

Things are as they are. One must learn to react accordingly. In doing so, one becomes assimilated. I, however, am a bit too stubborn to just humble myself in such situations. I have let the stream carry me too far down the creek in past experiences and been swimmin upstream ever since. I tell ya what, you dont get too far too fast, but your tail fin gets a heck of a lot stronger, your sight keener, and your brain sharper.

I just can´t do it the "normal" way. Becoming more intune with this little light of mine. I somehow can only complete a task when under pressure. I can´t define what I´ll do next, when I´m coming home, or what "we" are. I love attention and nearly demand gratuity. I would seriously dedicate my life to humanitarian aid if I didnt owe the government the next 30 years of hard labor. Injustice gives me ulcers, and people with a lot of money make me uncomfortably nervous. I hate confrontation and literally, dont believe I deserve any better treatment than my fellow brother. I adore eating meals consisting of three courses.

My favorite hobbies are: people watching, smelling the fall, laughing until tears fall outta my eyes, wearing clothes I consider bohemian but others may describe as "bag lady"ish, buying gifts for others, becoming friends with everyone I meet, breaking into spontaneous dance when good music comes on, sketching portraits of real people in need or saints that have helped such people, petting the puppies at every pet store I pass, holding a hot cup of coffee if only to feel the warmth and smell the aroma, learning new things: language, changing a tire, knitting; Basking in the sun, going to yoga, and painting my toe nails.

I like things simple.
Its beautiful becoming secure in who you are. I am so grateful for the door open, the constant fight, and the mystery of life. Everyday is a new day.