uncle!!!!

Alright, alright...sometimes I guess you have to just give in. I guess I never knew I was a prideful, stubborn, soar puss until I came to Chile. Truth be told NOTHING here is like the UNITED STATES. So why did I ever think that I could survive with my united states mentality? Something has got to give..and guess what it´s this girl.

In the U.S. I had so much control over my life..I picked where I wanted to live and who Id like to live with and have guests whenever I pleased and If I wanted to go somewhere I just had to jump in my car, without permission from anyone and without the hindrance of jumping bus to taxi to train. I burned calories walking on the treadmill in a club not climbing the worlds steepest hills, tripping over street dogs and busting toes on street cracks. I ate things that popped out of the microwave, greased my hands, and was followed by "Have it your way" not picking shells, bones, and scales out of my teeth or having to cook everything in which I wanted to consume. I expressed myself freely, my every thought flying off the tip of my tongue. Here I find myself trapped in my own body wanting so badly to contribute to conversations, stand up for what I believe, or just express my opinion for gods sake and as I barrel over translating in my head, scrolling through the ever shrinking lexicon of words which I know, I find not only does my opinion not really have the same kabaam as it did in English but its too late to share considering the conversation has already moved on by the time I get a grip of what Id like to share.

I spent the last 3 months pointing the finger..that its this CULTURE thats impossible to acclamate to and its the PEOPLE that I just dont get along with and the SYSTEM thats entirely messed up. Well, kids....this is no vacation and its about time I stop being a critic and jump off my "i have a better way to do everything" pedestal and start compromising..assimilating..and ultimately changing my thought process.

The one thing Luis asked of me when I left was "no te cambies" (Dont change who you are) and with his words echoing in my head all the time I stood firm in the fact that I would not dare give in to the system here..that I will still be me and not let this culture corrupt me. But truth be told, its exhausting fighting with myself all the time, trying to convince myself that I am ok or always comparing how the U.S. does this or that so much better. I think I misunderstood Luis´wishes..I thought by not changing myself meant being stubborn and prideful in who I am but I realize now that the Kendall that Luis knows is: sweet and friendly. And that I cant be that girl here if I dont change my attitude. So heres to sticking to the promise I made Luis. Being stubborn is pointless..seeing as I am going to be here another 6 months and better get with the program..cuz the worlds still spinning and the suns still rising. Life aint ever gonna be easy and I dont know why I thought this would be different. If you cant beat em why not join em right?

Ok "identity from the United States"...this is where I leave you behind. Not forever but just until I come back to our country of origen because you serve little purpose here. Dont worry love..you and I have been through a lot together 20 some odd years and we have got this far together...but I gotta let you go, everything we ever learned, or stood for makes no sense here. Ill see you in December! In the mean time I am going to roll with the punches, seek after the joy and peace of the lord, and truely enjoy my time here! Because that is more important than being RIGHT. I just want to be happy.